my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
