Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize
