Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
