I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
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