dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
