You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
