I am midnight drunk by noon
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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