HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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