I smell stomach acid.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
