You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
