Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
how drunk are you?
Several
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
