im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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