Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
