Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
