I just pynch a tree in the face
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
