it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
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