Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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