:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
