If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
