I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
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