I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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