Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
