Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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