it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
