Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
