Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
