Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Randomize
