Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
