you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
