Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
