god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Randomize
