Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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