I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
is that a dick in a sweater?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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