i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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