somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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