He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
