so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
