i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
