when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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