that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
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