We named our party play list daddy issues
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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