omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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