Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
