I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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