Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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