...so i touched it.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
honey bunches of taint.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Randomize
