I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
