your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Dignity is for republicans.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
