So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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