We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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