Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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