Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
