the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
